Efnir and Nomi 5

That first evening while traveling to Nar Shaddaa from the Citadel, and after an appropriate time of clean up and changing back into regular robes from the Stormtrooper armor, Efnir comes by Nomi’s room and knocks. “Nomi it’s Efnir. I thought you might want some company after everything that just happened and with Somi unavailable in the bacta tank. If you prefer some alone time to process, I understand.”

It takes so long for Nomi to respond that Efnir almost turns away. Perhaps some foresight leads him to stand there a bit longer than the average person might, so he has not yet turned away when the door opens to her room and she is standing in the doorway. Without a word, she stands aside to let him enter. Her eyes and cheeks are puffy, sure signs that she has been crying, but she is dry at the moment. She's wearing her sleeping clothes, a loose shirt and wide-legged drawstring pants. The pants are a flowered pattern and probably something that Vesper had made for her by repurposing a silky shirt or something that Firith had had stashed away on the ship. Her feet are bare. Nomi's bunk is messy as though she has been laying on it, but the blankets are all balled up at the foot of the bed. Somi's is untouched. "Thanks," she says hoarsely and very quietly. Then she clears her throat and gestures around the small space, saying with a bit more strength, "make yourself at home." She walks back to the corner of her bunk with a bit of a limp. Nomi has the lighting set on a dim setting, but Efnir can see bruises spreading all up and down her left side from the impact she had on falling from the ceiling. An old scar on her collarbone looks oddly light against the darkening bruise. Sitting on the bunk, her back against the wall, Nomi draws her legs up and lays them folded on the cot. She bunches the blanket next to her in one hand, leans her head back and sighs.

Efnir pauses a moment after stepping across the threshold as Nomi goes to sit on her bunk. Looking around briefly, he then shuts the door behind him comes over to sit next to her.

“I am sorry that I was unable to act out of surprise back there and it nearly cost Somi her life. We were all betrayed to some degree, some by an ally, some by a teacher, but for you and Somi I think she was like a mother, yes? I can’t say I will understand fully what you feel, but can be here if you want. When Lilikai sent you with me to run from the temple, I made a vow to keep you safe and no matter what has happened to her now, I will keep that promise.” Muttering under his breath quietly “maybe I should have taken the opportunity to ask Boez a few pointers…”

An audible swallow causes the delicate skin on Nomi's neck to move over her throat. "Despite staring at a red lightsaber, I don't believe any of us could have fully believed or understood what we were looking at in time to do anything about it. I am surprised that Somi had the wherewithal to deflect the first of Lilikai's blows. She has become a better saber-wielder than I knew." Nomi opens her eyes and turns her head to regard Efnir in the dim light with just one green eye. "I had thought I didn't want anyone here. I thought... you least of all." She grabs his arm before he can go, shifting so that she is facing him, her legs crossed. "But I do want you. It's just." Nomi sighs again and looks down at her hands, wrapped around his arm. "She has messed me up so badly." She looks up at the ceiling and blinks rapidly. Her hands have loosened her grip on Efnir's arm, no longer holding him from leaving, but her slender fingers remain wrapped about his elbow. "She was more than a mother figure to me. A mother couldn't have been what she was: my only confidant, my leader, my guide, my caregiver, the authority in all that was right in this world and apparently also my indoctrinator." The last said with not a little resentment. "For five years I trained with her and worked for her and went on missions for her and I couldn't tell anyone, not even Somi. When things went well, the only one I could celebrate with was Lilikai. When I was hurt, the only one who would comfort me was Lilikai. If I was scared, the only one I could tell was Lilikai. Amongst the other mechanics at the Temple I had no friends because they could most easily poke holes in my alibis for being out on missions. And even when I had Boez- I liked Boez, but he didn't like me. He liked Freyka. He didn't even know me. No one has known me except for Lilikai. The wedge that Somi is feeling now? I have lived with it for the last 5 years. Pretending everything was normal when all I wanted to do was tell her about the latest thing that happened in my life- be it wonderful or horrible." Nomi's voice chokes just a bit on the last word, but she takes a deep breath and continues, apparently needing Efnir to hear what she has to say. "She's right to be mad and all I did in our last conversation was act defensive and like it was no big deal, because Lilikai was there and I didn't want to make her feel bad." Nomi gives a sardonic laugh. "The last few months of my life, despite nearly dying, living in fear of what the Empire is going to do, facing dark Force users and mysterious stalkers and all have been the un-ironic happiest times of my life. Because I finally have people I can call friends and who know what I am thinking, fearing, hoping and wanting. I've finally been able to have a family, even if it's a weird one. I have finally been able to just be Nomi. I have finally been able to form the connections I have craved. And I have been happy and longing for more." She pauses, her eyes finding his in the dark. "And now I come to find out that my connection with Lilikai has been the cause of her descent into madness." Nomi sneers, blinks and looks away. "And just when I thought I had it all figured out."

"Sorry. That was probably more than you bargained for when you came." Her hands begin to fall away from his arm and back to her lap.

Efnir looks out across the room at something far off. “Do not blame yourself or your love for Lilikai. If you are worried about Jedi attachment, my thoughts on this are that it is not truly attachment that is a seed for the dark side, leading to loss, anger, hate and so on, but it is the individual’s capability in dealing with them that matters. As we learn about all these other force sensitive people, like Rhen and her sisters for instance, I think the Jedi were wrong in taking trainees younger and younger, training them in emotionless asceticism. Inner peace and tranquility does allow focus, but that should not be the only tool available to deal with those dark emotions. The Force is all of life, love, hate, peace, anger and dogmatically ignoring one half may be why the Jedi fell. If you are to blame something, blame that.”

He reaches over to squeeze her hand. “But we on this ship are different. We grew up first. I think that is why we can find our way in the dark, why we can build something new and better. Because of our attachments, our loves. It is our weapon and may be what brings her back.” Leaning back against the wall, he closes his eyes but leaves his hand on hers.

TO BE CONTINUED