Nomi and Somi 3

When Somi wakes from her time in the Bacta tank, Nomi is waiting for her. "Somi! I have been so worried." Nomi's lekku speak greater volumes. It is generally accepted thinking that one can not lie with lekku and while this is not strictly true, it is a lot harder to do so. Speaking with her lekku can also be considered something straight from her heart and mind, the long organs being part of the brain. ''I am so sorry. I was wrong. You were right. I was angry at you for what I had done, which doesn't make sense, but I wasn't making sense. None if it makes sense. I want to tell you everything, if you will let me. I'll start from the beginning and tell you every mission I have been on and every horrible thing that I have done and everything that I have experienced and I will tell you about the good things and the successful times I had on mission. I'll tell you details about Boez if you want and every name false name and identity I ever used. And about something that's happened recently, that I think it exciting, at least.''

Before Nomi had created a rift, she would have been hugging Somi the moment she was out of the tank, slimy or not. Now she holds back, making her declaration and holding out a towel and a robe for her sister, letting the other Amersu make the decision on how she wants to proceed. "I made breakfast for you. It's maybe a little cold now, but I'll warm it if you want. It's in our room." Nomi is a mass of bruises on her left side, but she doesn't seem to be paying any attention to that right now.

The medical droid is doing a final check of Somi after her time in the tank and announces that it has deemed her fit for operation, but in need of a cleaning, which is not the droid's responsibility and she had better see a mechanic or cleaner. It tries to hover over to Nomi to check her and she waves it away, to protest.

Realizing that Somi probably doesn't know or remember much of what happened after Lilikai hit her Nomi adds. "We are in hyperspace right now. On our way to a safe place that Mast... Lilikai doesn't know about. For the moment, we are all safe."

Saying that the past few days have been rough for Somi would be a bit of an understatement. Quarrelling with her sister was upsetting enough, but she had also experienced taking a life for the first time. It had been simultaneously relieving, because it had also been a matter of survival, and deeply upsetting. She had hoped that Lilikai (who she would never call master, not ever again) would help her sort through the confusing feelings. But, right as her group had turned to her former master for help, turned to the person who Somi had always considered her savior and had trusted more than anyone in the galaxy aside from Nomi, Lilikai revealed her true allegiance.

She knew she should have listened to her first thought when she found that Lilikai had escaped the temple. Somi really needs to start listening to herself more.

Upon waking from the healing process and immediately receiving an emotional divebomb of apologies from Nomi, Somi isn't really able to do anything but blink for a second. Coming out of the Bacta tank is always a disorienting experience, at least for her, but since the last thing she actively remembers is her master attacking her, there are definitely extenuating circumstances. She stares blankly at Nomi.

"Safe," she repeats slowly.

She blinks again before continuing, her mental focus slowly upping the resolution of her surroundings. "Where are we going?"

Nomi slows down, realizing that she has had many more hours of consciousness to process than her sister. She had been so set on her own forward course of action and need to apologize that she hadn't thought her sister might need something else first. She takes a mental step back and a physical step forward. Safe, she repeats with her Lekku. "To the Nar Shaddaa underground." She puts her face in her palm. "Another one of the things I didn't tell you about," she groans. 'But I will when you are ready." She shakes the robe out and holds it closer to wrap around her sister, which she does if Somi does not protest. "It's a place that I haven't told anyone about, not even Lilikai, so I know that it is safe. I just have to make sure that we are welcome before we all tromp in."

She pauses. "Do you... need an arm to lean on? Do you want to go to our room, or somewhere else? Do you want me to get someone else?"

Somi smiles slightly as she accepts the assistance with the robe. "Our room sounds nice."

"And dry." she adds a second later, before continuing. "That really happened, right? It wasn't a hallucination?"

Nomi crouches down to place slippers on her sister's feet. She blinks up at Somi a couple of times when she asks her question. Standing, Nomi takes Somi's hands in hers, meeting her eye to eye. "That? You mean Lilikai betraying our love and trust, exposing herself as having fallen to the Dark and then attacking you before she jumped away to who-knows-where to do who-knows-what? Yes." Nomi purses her lips. "Look, Somi, I have had a lot more time to think about this than you, I realize that. And if you're anything like me, which I know you are," she gives a half smile, "you're gonna blame yourself or how much Lilikai loves you and you love her and it's a rabbit hole of grief. Really, it is. Your love doesn't make you or anyone else weak. Nor does your grief or fear or anger or feelings of any kind! We are stronger together. You said that and you were right. Efnir told me his thoughts and I have been able to think about it too. Lilikai had us to love, but she didn't have anyone to trust and confide in, a peer. She was taught that negative emotions would harm her, so if she felt them, she just bottled them up inside and had no one to talk to. She couldn't express them and they consumed her. There are some other things too, but I'm going to stop lecturing. I just want you to know: it's not your fault. And if you want to cry or hit something, I think it's a good thing to do, rather than bottle it up. Training or decorum or whatever be damned."

Somi gives Nomi a slightly mischievous look to indicate that she hadn't been entirely serious in her question. It had been an attempt to lighten the situation slightly.

"I think..." Somi fades out for a second. "I think Lilikai misunderstands love. She said that we were raised with love, but she was using it as a means to an end."

She shakes her head. "That's not what love is. If you're treating someone nicely because you want them to be a certain way, or because you want them to be stronger, then it isn't coming from a place of love. It comes from a place of control."

Somi sighs, starting to walk with Nomi towards their room. "And we were so desperate for her attention and love, that we didn't even realize she was using us."

Nomi shakes her head. "Until she was gone I had no idea just how isolated I had become. I was cut off from you and everyone while I was being her spy. The fact that I couldn't tell you anything made her the only person who knew anything about me in my life. She had me believing that that was normal and the way things were supposed to be. And even after, when it wouldn't have mattered if I told... Well, you saw how I just kept isolating. That's why I want to tell you everything. I want to break down that last wall and let the sunlight stream in. I have been happy to have friends these past months, real ones. I will be happier to have you back. Or let you have me back, however you want to look at it." She glances over at Somi as they walk and opens the door when they come to their room. "It might take a while. There's a lot to tell," she says, gesturing to allow her sister to enter first.

Somi's clothes are laundered (probably Vesper's handiwork) and neatly folded on the end of her bed. There's a tray of breakfast there including some sweet versions of the pancakes Nomi has been making lately and a fruit and grain stew that Nomi knows Somi likes.

"Mmm. Breakfast." Somi smiles as she realizes how hungry she is. She sits cross legged at the head of her bed, leaning up against her pillow, and starts digging into the food. "Do you want any? I think there's enough here to feed a Ronto."

"It would be hard to be a spy without being isolated, wouldn't it? You can't really keep secrets if you're sharing them with everyone."

Nomi hesitates, surprised at the excuse her sister is offering her. "Yes," she says as she pulls a chair up to the side of the bed. "But one could have a network, at least. People who know what you are and can help you. I suppose the more who know, the greater the risk for you and them. If one of the pieces in the network is captured and falls anyone they tell about could be compromised. It would be a balance you'd have to maintain. I didn't get a balance. I always only had Lilikai and she probably felt that should be enough. I certainly was taught to think that she was enough. There were things I desperately wanted to share with you. Especially the good things that happened. But sometimes the bad things too, so I didn't have to cry alone."

Nomi picks up a small bowl and takes a bite. The food gives her every excuse to keep her mouth shut for a moment.

"It was just Lilikai? No one else knew she was using you?"

Somi takes another bite. "I probably should have asked more questions about what you were doing. Or would that have made it harder?"

Nomi grimaces, looking ashamed. "I tried to keep what I told you so mundane and boring that you wouldn't ask more. You were busy with training; it wasn't hard to cast what I was doing in a less interesting light. Had you asked, I would have told you more lies, thinking it was the right thing to do."

Nomi sighs and looks down at her hands. "I knew there were other spies in the network, theoretically speaking. There was an emergency communications system I could use to reach out to others for help- the system Zio used to connect with me on Nar Shaddaa. I never used that system and I never knew any other spies until I met Zio. Lilikai was the only person I had to talk to about anything that happened."

She hesitates. "Do you want me to take the time right now, while we are in transit to tell it all to you? It may take a while, but there is nothing Captain-y that I need to do right now. I made sure I could give all this time to you."

Somi shrugs, her mouth temporarily overstuffed with food. There was something about the bacta tank that always made her so hungry afterwards. After a few moments of frantic chewing, she responds. "I think we both should. Tell each other about everything. I don't think that there was anything that I was taught that was really secret. Or anything that Lilikai had me do while I was her Padawan that was secret."

She puts her plate down before she continues, seriousness bleeding through the curtain of 'I'm ok' that she had wrapped around herself.

"But, we both saw two different parts of Her." The capitalization is audible in Somi's phrasing of the word. "If we share everything between ourselves, we'll start to piece her together. And while that won't keep us safe, it will make us stronger."

Somi shrugs again and picks up her plate. "Plus, what else are we going to do right now? I know I don't really feel ready to face the rest of the ship at the moment. At least the ones who aren't in line for the tank."

Nomi gives her sister a small smile. "There are always demands on my time. But I have cleared my schedule for you and let the right people know I will be busy. So, I guess I will start at the beginning. Remember how when we first got to the temple the first few days was spent in medical examination and education tests and skill assessment?" She pauses. "Actually, I don't know if you did that. But when that was done, Lilikai came to me and told me of this opportunity I could have to really make a difference. She didn't want me wasting my talents doing mechanics when she could tell that was not where my interest or aptitude lay and she wanted to teach me how I could use what I was doing with you on Ryloth to help her and the Republic. I thought it sounded great, better than working on ship engines and my training started soon after. Mostly at first it was just learning better Basic, physical exercise, etiquette, learning basic fighting. Then she started sending me on 'practice' missions."

Nomi continues her story, telling Somi about her life as a spy in full detail.


 * See super secret spy background
 * Between off-world missions, Nomi did info gathering on Coruscant for Lilikai as well as counter-spy work. If a spy was suspected in one of the political households or arenas on Coruscant, Nomi was sent in to find out if there truly was one and expose them.
 * Nomi's scar on her collar bone came from a knife wound.
 * Nomi's scar on her leg came from her time on Ryloth when she was nearly discovered by a droid, had to disable it and was wounded. Neither time did she have access to medical and had to patch herself up, thus the scars.
 * Nomi thinks Damasa told Lilikai she would fall to the dark. That some of the first missions that Lilikai sent her on were to check the accuracy of Damasa's predictions. When these were shown to be true Lilikai thought there was no way to avoid falling. Somi gets the sense that Nomi has not given up on Lilikai.
 * Nomi theorizes that the dark side of the Force is like a drug. Dark force users are suffering from pain or some kind which they have no way to express or get rid of. They medicate with the dark side of the Force and the power and false relief they feel is addicting. She thinks that with the right intervention a dark force users could be salvaged, but probably never fully trusted.

As she speaks, Nomi is very attentive to Somi's energy level, taking breaks for food and rest and just being quiet or talking about non-serious stuff as needed.

She cries multiple times, when telling about her moments of failure, especially scary moments, the time she had to kill someone and the time that she had to leave Boez in the middle of the night with no explanation.

Somi listens carefully to all that Nomi tells her, being sisterly physically affectionate at the times where it seems like a little extra support or reassurance is needed. She seems generally interested and concerned as she listens, the concern coming partly out of her care for her sister and partly out of alarm at how Lilikai had used her sister without her noticing. In exchange, she tells about any mission that she carried out with Lilikai (note: these are currently undefined, but at this point it is safe to assume that anything that is defined in the future, Nomi would know about).

She shares in Nomi's sorrow about having to take a life, having just experienced it herself, and the sisters likely pause their conversation at that point to have a mutual cry.

Nomi hugs her sister tightly. "I love you so much. Thank you for letting me tell you all that. I haven't told it to anyone before. Um..." She bites her lower lip. "There's one last thing. Efnir..." She blushes. "We'll, Efnir stayed the night last night. And we kissed." The last in hushed tones. She looks happy, but a little nervous about what Somi might say.

Somi becomes visually excited. "I KNEW it!" She exclaims. Seeing that Nomi seems nervous about her reaction, she continues. "Come on! Didn't you notice I've been trying to hint that you both obviously had some sort of connection? As long as you're happy, I'm so happy for you!"

Nomi appears the happiest Somi has seen her in a very long time. I'm incredibly happy, she replies with her Lekku. "I have liked Efnir for a long time; I just was living with the idea of that being impossible. I know how Efnir feels about it, obviously, but well... I haven't been sure about your opinions. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I have always had the feeling that you felt a little... Maybe guilty... About having a sister who is close to you? Maybe like we shouldn't be friends? So I wasn't sure what you would think."

Somi looks thoughtful for a moment. "Guilty? You mean because Jedi are supposed to not have attachments?" She sighs before continuing. "I'm starting to think that maybe the Jedi have the wrong idea about attachments."

Nomi nods. "Yes. Because of what the Jedi teach about attachments. Obviously you can tell that Efnir feels the same way. I mean doesn't agree with not having attachments. I think that's one of the things that Lilikai was missing: someone to talk to and get out her feelings. If you don't have anyone, those feelings just sit and grow dark until they take you over. She lost that when she didn't have Damasa or Firith anymore for whatever reason they split. If it was because Damasa made such a horrible prediction that probably made it even worse. Lilikai would have had no one to talk to about that possibility or how she felt about it, or how to avoid it. If it's true, and Damasa did tell Lilikai that, I think she was one of the main causes of that downfall. Lilikai was so isolated. Besides us, did you ever see her with a friend?"

"I didn't really see any of the Masters with friends, but I don't know if that would have shown that side of their lives to the Padawans."

Somi smiles for a moment. "It's a little fun to think of the Masters getting together for a beer and complaining about us. But, really most beings need that kind of outlet to function. You need to get outside of your own head. And that's why I think that attachments are necessary - they help give you a perspective on the universe. I think the problem comes when you try to control the attachment."

"Yes, and that lack of attachment is, in my opinion, the greatest failing of the Master Jedi. They were all so isolated. An individual is only so strong as himself. A group of individuals is only so strong as each part, not a whole."

We are individually strong, but together we're even stronger. Nomi repeats Somi's words with her Lekku.

Somi hugs her sister. Together we're stronger, she echoes with her Lekku.

"So, tell me honestly. Was it the cooking opera that pushed it over the top?" She asks jokingly.

Nomi laughs. "Maybe for Efnir? I don't know how long I have liked him, but I kept finding myself asking everyone about the Jedi attachment thing and then I started wondering why. I mean, I am not a Jedi, what in skies do I care what the Jedi think about attachment? And then I realized it was because I secretly wanted to know just how much I would be screwing everything up if I ever went for it. It was a secret even from myself, somehow. So yeah... before Hapes I had thought that it was a no-go and I had asked Lilikai in my last message if she could teach me how to not get attached. In the meantime, I decided that my relationships with everyone on the ship were part of what made me strong in the crew, so maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Then Lilikai did what she did and I was so confused, Somi. If Efnir hadn't done something about it I would still be waffling about in my questions about if I was going to be an ally to the darkside by creating friendships or more with the force users on this ship." Nomi picks at a non-existent spot on her shirt. "Relationships are confusing and exciting and scary enough without having to worry about some thousands-of-years Jedi traditions. Seriously."

Somi sighs. "I'm not sure what all of these changes mean for the Jedi." She adopts a tone of fake cheeriness that others might not recognize as fake, though Nomi probably would. "So, you probably don't have to worry about too many other people trying to enforce those traditions."

"Well, I don't care what anyone thinks about it except you and Efnir."

Nomi takes Somi's hands. "I know it's scary to be on your own, but I think in the end it well be really good. What the Jedi were doing worked for a while, but obviously it didn't work in the here and now. You can forge your own path by trial and error. Efnir and Vesper will help you. And because you know about the things that held the Jedi back, I think whatever you figure out will be better."

Somi smiles, fully meaning it. "All of us are stronger together. We'll figure it out together."