FFG Star Wars/Quotes

Session 0
Suggested Ship Names:
 * Toasty Cow
 * Crusty Tauntan
 * Sideways Dolphin
 * Spicy Ronto
 * Rusty Bull
 * Virile Voractyl
 * Running Bantha
 * Zesty Zillowbeast
 * Dirty Porg
 * Rogue Ronto
 * Shy Rathtar

"The Wrathful Ronto?" "That's too good. And we aren't shooting for good."

"So it's your fault it's the Rouge Ronto!"

"All the connections to the party are happening through me. It's like I'm the cute thing."

"OK, so you said something incomprehensible and then laughed hysterically, so I'm a little concerned."

"Under his helmet, does your character have a greasy moustache that he twirls?"

"So, you'll need a cat harness & leash." "Or maybe a cone."

"I think it's a show of restraint that we didn't call the ship the sideways dolphin."

"Skakoan? I presume you don't poop." "They just wish it so."

"This danger is how I live everyday!" "So check your privilege, Kitty Cat!"

"That's part of my skill set!" "Reaching the pedals?"

"There's 8 people, so I don't want rolls to take forever." "That's why I'm upfront about the underwear."

Session 1
"I'm going to make the clerk my ally." "Heh. Soondead N. Gonnabiteit!"

"You're caught red handed with your pad plugged into the terminal. With your pants down." "Oh, so that's how you do it."

"I'm going to try to reach one of my contacts at the temple." "What contacts do you have at the temple?" "Uhh..." "I think they're all dead."

"So you're yelling for the Jedi 'Please come and interrogate me!'"

"Just shave the Wookiee!"

"So you turn the corner and see a Bothan, a Twi'lek and a droid trying to lube a large Wookiee..."

"So you're noodling on your fat lute."

"We should have named the ship the Greasy Wookiee!"

"The smell of smoke is receding for those of you who don't want to be on fire." "We have a greasy Wookiee." "Heh. He's our torch."

"I'm assuming there's some sort of Twi'lekki death blessing?" (starts undulating to indicate use of lekku) "It uses a pole?"

(About HC-7) "I assume that at the beginning of every combat he yells 'we surrender!'"

"You're lying on something important? Way to kitty-cat, Kitty Cat."

"No fucking problem. Oh. Wait. Fucking problem, because while I got four successes, I generated 2 threat, so I don't know how long the fuse is!!!"

"You can fling as many Jawas off cliffs as you want."

"Wait? You have hooves? You're a cat with hooves?!"

"I guess he was wearing horse shoes."

"Casual Observation: I have never plotted a hyperspace jump before. I hope I do well."

"So. Who are all y'all? Anyone going to lie?"

Session 2
"What to do if your Master dies is an elective course?"

"And I'm going to walk away wearing my cone of shame."

"So for the Jedi with the padawan braids..." (points) "No hair, no hair, no hair!" "Time to shave the kittycat!"

"No cat has hair that long. It is definitely a clip-on!"

"I figured out that if I quip while fighting, I'm better!" "But how does it work with the training droid?" "Power off! Ha ha!"

"My designation is 3D6!" "Can I call you Gigit?" "Master, if it brings you delight, you may." "Giggity."

"Wow. you managed to make 'Gungan' sound even more like a racial slur."

(About the Mirror) "However everyone is still very much alive, so we are assuming he isn't aboard."

"Droids are kind of a gray area..."

"I look forward to all of this being over." "Mission statement!"

"I wonder if that's one of my dad's speeches?" "Your dad is Palpatine's Speechwriter? Why am I just learning this now?!"

"Kit Fisto has a way stupider name than Agen Kolar, so I apologize to Agen Kolar."

"Nawah 'The Wallet' Masin"

"Bothan Shoes are known for their secret compartment. Mine had a small one." "So what's our cover story?" "We're trying to find a Bothan cobbler."

"And the droid can fix the ship?" "It gave few disclaimers, so I guess?" "Actually, I clicked the do not show again box."

"They've lost all their Jedi camping business." "Oh, that's why it's called Camp-arus." "Or why it is called Camp-ing."

"It's only a problem if you have to run away from something, and speeder chasers never happen in Star Wars."

"There's murder happening, Detective Wookiee man."

"3 successes, 1 threat, and 1 despair." "Someone's going to need a new cone!"

"So you hear a blaster whine, a thump, and Efnir say 'Oops!"

"Why does he have enough camping gear for 8 people?" (shrug) "Forest orgies?" "But he's a Jedi" "Jedi can fuck. They just can't form attachments." "So you can have all the forest orgies you want, they just can't be fun." "Time for apathetic boring forest orgy porn slash fic!"

"Aaah! Hold on! I'm still writing about boring forest orgies!"

"Vesper wakes up in the campsite feeling like garbage, but at least he wakes up." "Pancakes for Vesper! Wait. Are pancakes in bad taste?"

Session 3
(Child scream interrupts Jedi trance) "Chorus of tiny angels..."

"I've dealt with a lot of rocks in my day and none of them has been surprised." "That you know!"

"Black market cobbling!"

"You could plug some sort of computer cable into this." "Hey, we need a USB-C to plug in the rock."

"Are you going to leave the artifact in the methane room?" "We'll leave it with Somi. She can incubate it."

Session 4
"We're proactive bounty hunters. We think someone is going to issue a bounty for this guy soon, so we're going to start looking for him now. You've gotta be a go-getter on Nar Shaddaa."

"One of the ships docked at the spaceport is named Stop Looking at Me or I'll Tear Your Eyes Out." "Should have turned off the speech to text when I was entering that data."

"The ship is a cake wreck?" "Yeah, there’s even a website called Ship Wrecks." "I mean, you have to not get distracted when your putting your order in with the droid." "#relatable"

"Vesper's been injured, the session has officially started."

"If I was going to hide a dead body I would have tipped it over the edge." "Um...rule zero?"

"You find yourself in what’s like a serial killer's lair for droids. There are parts strewn all over. HC-7 is looking around and saying 'oh it's horrible!' and covering his eyes and you're like 'no, that's our light source!'" "You must look!"

"So we'll put the cone back on the Jedi cat." "I refuse to wear a cone despite being wounded." "You're not a cat." "I'll wear a cone." "Says the Wookiee."

"How much are Stimpacks again?" "75 credits." "75 credits? That's a lot. How much is a full-body cast?"

"Is meditating in your bunk like 'organizing your papers?'"

"Yes, you're actually escorting The Mirror and his adorable children, who are a couple of droids in wigs."

"I need you to bring him back alive." "I promise we will bring him back...whole." "As in 'full of them.'" "Full of bullets."

"I need to make a collect call. 'Hi dad. I'm not dead. Goodbye.'" *hangs up*

"I hope this isn't like your Firefly where the worst character secrets come in later seasons, because if this is Season 1..."

Session 5
"Guess it's up to Noel to roll us some light side points?" "Help us, Obi-wan Ke-Noel-bi!"

(while meditating on the artifact) "There's a sense that it is trying to connect with something else, but it's not able to." "Its voice mail is full."

"There's lots of traffic to one site - BuxomBothans.net" "If I didn't want you to know, I would have cleared the history!" "There's the threat - my nightmares later."

"I don't think I'll be getting up on any roofs anytime soon." "You had a roof day." "Was it your shingle worst experience?"

"For all we know, Vesper could be here." "Come on out! We know you're here!" "I crinkle the treat bags."

(on naming a drug) "Phlesminol, street name 'Somber'." "Because you only give it to someone in Hospice." "Or that you want to put in Hospice."

"Where's everyone else?" "Name dropping." "Drug shopping."

"It would make sense that Hutts would use a lot of Somber. It's the only way they float."

(Singing) "What do you do with a sedated Ewok?"

"Ikal. Rhymes with 'recall', so you think I'd actually remember it."

"I look around and notice he's a collector of plates." "Is it signed by Tom Paris?"

"Oh Man! We missed a chance to have him say 'It's a traap!'" "I thought that was the whole reason Beth made him a Mon Calamari!!" (GM's note: partially, yes)

"Perhaps the real trap was the friends we made along the way."

Session 6
"And she says, 'Rhen'." "Sekar?" (whispered) "It's a trap." "You didn't get to say it last time with the Mon Calamari, so you're going to say it this time. Everything is always a trap!" "It's the new 'being on fire'." "Being on fire does NOT count as a trap." "Unless you're secretly on fire and you hug someone."

"Character Flaw: Being secretly on fire."

"He was a human with curly red hair and he was evil." "So he was a clown?" "Ronald McJedi Murderer?"

"You try to open the door and discover you're locked in." "It's really bad when there's a sock on the INSIDE of the door." "They're having a boring forest orgy and didn't invite you."

"I can only summon a sword out of thin air" "That makes you a bit of a one-trick pony." "I dunno... If you're a horse and can summon something pointy, that makes you a one-trick unicorn."

(Rhen rolls Triumph on Athletics while alone on the ship) "You easily get out of the way of the shard of glass." (sadly) "I guess I do an awesome dodge that nobody sees."

"3D6 is disassembled!" "Well... that's not the worst thing he can be."

"Maybe the point of being a Jedi Master is to be as irritating as possible."

"Mentor troubles? Been there, done that. Currently doing that."

"So there's a Red Headed Jedi not on Coruscant. That narrows it down by one planet."

"He (Master Quiet) isn't my character, but I imagine him as looking kind of like a cult leader with wild Charles Mansion hair." "Great. Now I'm imagining Bruno." (Singing) "We don't talk about Quiet, no no. We don't talk about Quiet. But! It was my mission day and there wasn't a clone in the sky. Quiet walked in with a mischievous grin (Thunder!!) and the droids all died."

"I realize I've played a number of characters that couldn't really hurt you."

"In the Star Wars universe, Jazz is called Jizz, and Jizz is called Jazz." "What do Jazz hands mean?"

"It looks right. The arms are in the correct Droid holes."

"Master! My arms are backwards." "Yeah. The Mirror, what a prankster."

"I was going to ask if it is tasteful music, but, uh, I have the answer."

"You somehow manage to bisect it with a training lightsaber." "I was REALLY frustrated with my blaster." "She tosses her blaster up in the air and hits it like a baseball."

"We haven't been to the, uh, soft creature area yet."

"Lesson learned. Dark side: good."

"And here’s a tattoo of me falsifying my tattoos.”

“We just upended the bag of broken glass into the bacta tank.”

"A Corellian hand job is when you shoot someone under the table." "You're the only person who calls it that."

“They shot me in the same spot.” “Lucky you. They always shoot me in a different spot. They aim for whatever part of me still has fur.” “You’re the target of an Imperial plot to give you electrolysis?” “‘Imperial electrolysis’ – that’s a pretty good euphemism for what Imperial troopers try to do to Jedi.”

“Buxom Bothans isn’t a porn site. It’s the best search engine in the galaxy cleverly disguised as a porn site.”

Session 7
"While you were out of the room we decided that Vesper only poops in the shoes of people he respects."

"So Bothan Shoe pooping is the new Klingon forehead."

"He's a tuxedo cat, and he's a waiter."

"While we're talking about this, I'm going to deposit this orb." "That sounds like a euphemism."

"Where did the orb come from?" "Wookiees lay eggs now. We've decided that's canon."

"Emperial? Imperial? I don't know how to say it. I've never been part of an Empire before!"

"There will be a side quest that goes up on the wiki that details the adventures of Brawln digging through trash on the moon." "Heh. Brawln's Dirty Jobs."

"Put a bounty on me and I will be even more obnoxious in return."

"Their fur is rippling back and forth in conversation." "Probably talking about Buxom Bothans."

"He's a Bothan. He's probably lying." "That's just based on our experience with you." "You played into some racial stereotypes." "You created some racial stereotypes."

"Wait! He knows we're Jedi?!" "Efnir, I'm becoming more fond of your low orbit ejection plan."

"Bothans always land on their hooves?!"

"See how much easier it is?" "I'm going to remember you said that."

"Efnir, anything you have to share?" "There is no Empire. This has all been a social experiment."

"Roll Medicine to see if you can fold the mirror in half without breaking him." "Weirdest Weekend at Bernie's ever."

"We should just dip on the whole campaign and buy & sell storage units!" "Storage Wars: Episode 1. It is a time of great turmoil..."

"There are no demons in hyperspace, there are no demons in hyperspace." "Except the ones you bring with you."

"So the Jedi are trying to meditate and Eye of the Tiger starts playing." "We do a barrel roll."

"And you're getting together whatever the equivalent of Skakoan Popcorn is." "Well, it has to be liquid, so I guess I just squirt butter into my mouth."

"He's my seeing eye droid."

"HC-7 seems very uncomfortable in this situation." "When has he EVER felt comfortable?!" "In the first 5 minutes of the game?"

"So you make off with a popcorn machine, and if anyone asks, you say something about needing to service it, even though it is actively popping." "It won't stop popping!" "Once you pop, you can't stop!"

Session 8
"Which one was the one that blew things up?" "Damasa." "I like her."

"One of Vesper's theories is that Vic is a little man inside the armor, and so he's made you some lacy nightgowns that are basically doll clothing."

"Yes, the more powerful you are in the force, the more heavy metals accumulate in your body." "That might explain why all the padawans in the group have such terrible Brawn. It's all that Jedi metal." "That sounds like a genre of music." "I guess if you have a cortosis guitar pick..."

"Push her down the stairs!" "I may not need to roll for Morality, but I still feel it."

"We're going to surgically implant someone with tracking devices." "One for them to find and one for them to not find."

"One of my stupid ideas has become validated!"

(about Nomi) "She's going to take money from every lowlife in the entire galaxy until she's happy."

"How is it that you knew that I was the person to speak to?" "BuxomBothans.net has it all."

"Do you know what a Coruscant Uber is?" "Again, you're the only one who calls it that." (if you were wondering, it's when you jump off a building and land in somebody's speeder, which you steal)

"You need to work on your discipline, Jedi." "That doesn't seem like a priority of his. That's why we have a popcorn machine."

"Join the hit-the-Wookiee club." "So far that's just you."

Session 9
"I can't wait until I can take on a padawan so that I can ignore him too."

"I'll write a Jedi self-help book: How to Form Attachments and Maintain Them Without Turning to the Dark Side."

"We could carbon freeze him." "That would be expensive." "But he would be decorative." "We could hang him up, and then he would be Mirror Mirror on the wall."

"I'm going to ask 3DS..." "3D6." "If you put him in game mode, then he's 3DS."

"May the Force be with you." "We're surviving!" "That's not the traditional response!" "She (Somi) wasn't raised in the Protestant church!" "Space Lutherans."

"I need a Star Wars species." "Mon Calamari! We'll get 'It's a trap' if it is the last thing I do!"

"This name generator spat out the most ridiculous name, so we're going to go with it. Meet Meene Meene!" "Mean-Mean?" "Ironically, the nicest forger you'll meet."

"Oh man, we've totally doomed Meene Meene by creating him."

"I. DO NOT. SHIMMY!"

"A Bothan Hair Net is just a bag!"

"I'd like it to be noted that I made a map." "Noted!"

"You walk in and your boss knows you." "Nancy!?" "All Humans know each other."

"Efnir, you're getting a bad feeling about this." "I usually do."

"Is it offensive to serve a Mon Calamari calamari flavored popcorn?"

"Nancy is secretly two Jawas in a trench coat."

"Two Jawas in a trench coat would be a great character concept."

"Can we steal an AT-AT?" "ARE there AT-ATs?!"

"You can stay behind, and you'll have a hovercart full of... of.." "Eels?"

"So, I'm going to look on the bright side and congratulate you for getting in." "It was a light despair."

"What are you going to do first?" "Start more fires."

"I'm Commander Shepard, and this the best place to beat someone up in the Citadel."

(about Reevo Tetsu) "Oh. he's not good at this. He's not good at a lot of stuff." "Sounds like a true Padawan." "Aren't you a Padawan?"

"They just saw you bonk two together, so they're going after you." "They tripped!"

"Those two clone troopers have a lot to say about you." "They should." "They're going to shoot at you." "Good!"

Session 10
"I'm going to stare down at them judgmentally, because I'm a cat."

"He made a beeline for the bacta tank." "What? The lubrication tank?"

"Everyone should stop breathing."

(about who gets to use the bacta tank first) "Efnir put his name in before we left."

(about Nawah and Jaquina reuniting, and noting the changes in each other's tattoos) "We just stare at each other and read our updates. It's literally Face book."

"Master Quiet is a cult leader." "What cult is he leading?" (All other players) "His own!"

"I'm going to pass out..." "What?!" " ... restraining bolts." "Oh..."

"Shoot to disable their guns." "I'm going to angle the deflector dish." "I'm going to have a bad feeling about this."

"Friends, Master Quiet should not go into the eating cave."

Session 11
"We can't talk about Murder. But we can wink about Murder!"

"Set Master Quiet up with my Mom? What would THAT solve?" (shrug) "It would be funny"

"This is why so many Padawan don't strike down their mentors - fear of being haunted for the rest of their days."

"You could start fresh... oh wait, you're a fugitive!"

"I don't want to think what a Bothan Speedo would be." "It comes from the same place as Bothan shoes. There's a secret compartment. They have a hoof there as well."

(about Master Quiet trying to clear the mineshaft) "It's like he's failed at Jenga, but he's still trying to play."

"I'm the one who invoked the chode snake, so I'm to blame." "It's a choulder."

"Look! Nature is healing! Administrators are returning to the Administration building."

"It's more like we're different blocks in the same toy box."

"I'm saving my conflict in case we need to horribly murder Master Quiet."

"Trust in the Force, but take a flashlight."

(A group of PCs find the back entrance to a cave) "Hey Guys! Look at this!" "Exit only!"

"What do you roll to make breakfast when you yourself don't eat?" "Education?" "Xenology?"

"I guess I'll inform Master Quiet there's lots of leftovers for reasons he won't like."

"It's been awhile since I fell to my death."

"All that jumping made you quippier."

Session 12
"I can't feel you with the Force, so you don't count as people?"

(about using Force Push in Jedi: Fallen Order) "If it's by a cliff, it's going over the cliff!

(A group of PCs lose each other in a sudden 'magical' mist) "We should have held hands. It was a 'Mist' opportunity." "If that's what presence five brings, I'm going to revoke it."

"You can't use agility for lying." "It's verbal agility"

(about Vic speaking Skakoverbal) "It's like a drunk droid singing in Basic, but with more mouth noises."

"Ossuaries 'R' Us. A fully owned subsidiary of Pews Altars Etc."

"So, I've noticed that lobotomies are not are on the list of things that get you dark side points."

"Force powers that directly do damage will affect him" "Care bear stare!" "If you have that on your character sheet, you can use it." "Fred Astaire?" "Why would I Say Fred Astaire?" "Dance-off, Man!"

"You're not here, and you're evil."

"I yield. You have proven yourself worthy." "By defeating both friend and foe."

Session 13
"I don't need to spend Dark side points to mess with you guys. I can do that by virtue of my position."

"Efnir's lightsaber is violet." "Like Master Windu!" "Can we call you Master Windon't?" "Depends on how far up in the air you want to get flung." "I'm going to guess it would be Medium range or shorter."

"Use the scientific name- Choulderous Bouldrous!"

"Mirror, mirror, in the freezer... (pause)" "We'll fight you next when you're a geezer."

"Time to set up a bureaucracy in the Jedi Temple."

"He's trying to start a new order of Cave Jedi!" "That's a lot less impressive then it used to be."

"We keep them around to extract sperm from? "So... they're pets?" "You extract sperm from your pets?!" "The word you're looking for is 'livestock!"

"You couldn't deceive a small fly."

"You have to put your dominant hand in the artifact!"

"She has an adversary rating of 3 and a Force rating of 4." "If you add up all the ratings of the force users, we can match that." "It doesn't work that way!" "3 Padawans in a trench coat!"

"Dathomir? Fun! Mist! Ichor!" "Spiders!"

"Dathomir won't recognize you as an Apex predator. You'll have to prove your worth. After that, you'll feel right at home."

"You SURE no one else should be subject to the morality scale?" "We need them to do our dirty work."

"This is a traditional Dathomirian Butthole stretcher." "It lets the spiders in"

"(Something)! Better than midichlorians! "Dathomirian Butt spiders?"

"An 'Army of Zorros' describes most groups of player characters."

"We need to stop befriending people who live in rocks."

"You always need an old man in a deep cave to give quests."

Session 14
The quote monkey was not at Session 14. Quotes may come. Someday.

Session 15
"I need to figure out which character sheet is the right one." "You have two characters?" "She has two sets of records. One she shows Beth, and one she shows the IRS."

"I play droids to make people nervous."

"That was the session you stole the parts out of my cloud car." (Mishearing) "You had a clown car?" "They made a clown car out of his cloud car."

"Well, If you want to spend the night with him again, he's in a bar." "He won't try to sleep with you in the bar! "Again, that doesn't mean no..." "I will not shag him in a bar, I will not shag him in a car. I will not shag him near or there, I will not shag him anywhere."

"Find out if he knows the Dara Family. Hopefully he's not related, or it will be AWKWARD!"

"I promise we won't steal it." "Good luck, its over 1,000 lbs." "That just makes me want to steal it more!"

"I appreciate you're using the word 'Shindig' to describe this."

"Oh! You meant the other type of gondola!" "You were thinking the (mimes poling a boat) type of gondola?" "Yes! that's why I was making comments about gondolas being hard to row uphill!"

"My armor is made from the skin of my enemies, but they weren't people."

"Every comedy group needs a straight man." (Completely deadpan) "That's not the first time I've heard that."

"Lightsaber it in half?" "Look! The statue has a meaty center."

Session 16
"Is there anything else I can turn it to? Hapian Cooking shows? Soap operas?" "Cooking operas?" (sings)" I burnt the eggs!" "They're sung in Swedish."

"She's being held in a room with a horse next to it." "First, he needs to figure out what a horse is." "It's a much larger Bothan with less fur." "A 4-legged Dolphin?"

"We couldn't use the belt because you're so much shorter." "You're a little short for a Jedi."

"I will not be hanging a sock on the couch fort."

"He also has an aggressive moustache."

"If it's a prison cell, its as nice as your rooms above." "Wait, are we prisoners?"

"I am the very model of a drunken major General!"

"If you let go of your drink, it hovers."

"I'm trying to make it look like I'm offended with out looking like I'm offended." "From inside a metal suit?"

"She's read the manual." "There's a Jedi manual on seduction?"

"He's expounding on the knife skills of the lead soprano... Which is a sentence I just said."

"He has a certificate. Brawln. Detective. Not a slaver."