Jaquina and Somi

As roommates go, Somi Amersu could do a lot worse than Jaquina Masin. Apart from the landspeeder safely parked in the Rogue Ronto cargo bay, all Jaquina brought with her was a duffel bag containing the few personal items she's managed to accumulate in the months since her rescue from L-343. She's quiet and tidy and takes care not to intrude on Somi's privacy whenever she can. During the day she helps out around the ship, shouldering more than her share of the chores and passing the time by catching up with Nawah Masin as well as getting to know the other crew members. One evening, Jaquina turns to Somi while they're both getting ready for bed. "Thanks for sharing your space with me," she says with a smile. "I know it's tight quarters aboard this ship, but I'm sure Nawah appreciates not having to sleep on the floor this time around."

As far as Somi knew, Nomi Amersu hadn't officially moved out of their bunk, but she couldn't remember the last time her sister had slept in their room. Her feelings about it, though, were definitely mixed. Most of Somi was happy for her sister to have found the relationship Nomi was building with Efnir Kis, but she did feel a bit lonely. Even when they were both at the academy, and Nomi left for periods of time to go on what she now knew were spy missions, Somi always felt comforted by the knowledge that her sister would come back. This time, however, her return felt more uncertain each day, and though Somi was unlikely to admit it out loud, it did bother her a bit.

So, when Jaquina needed a bunk, Somi was more than happy to allow her to use the extra space in her cabin. Even though it felt awkward at times to be sharing a space with someone she didn't know all that well, she was happy to have the space filled up with an energy that wasn't her own.

"It wouldn't have been very nice to force Nawah onto the floor when my room is half empty these days", Somi replies with a returned smile. "She could have bunked with Vesper, but I think she has a different opinion of cardboard as a mattress."

"I have no idea how Vesper sleeps the way he does. If I tried that, I'd wake up with every bone in my back broken. Youth is wasted on the young." Jaquina and Nawah share a strong family resemblance, with the same green skin and orange eyes, though Jaquina's tattoos are more extensive and her short purple hair is shot through with streaks of silver. "I certainly appreciate the loan of the mattress. The ones on this ship are a lot better than some of the others I've used recently."

Jaquina's smile fades a bit as she contemplates Somi. "How are you holding up?" she asks, her voice softening. "Nawah's been telling me a little about everything that's happened since the last time I saw you on Zoph. It's a lot to take in - and I'm just the one hearing about it after the fact, not living it."

Somi shrugs. "I asked him about it once. He said something about it being a cultural tradition, but I'm pretty sure he was making it up."

She looks back at Jaquina, contemplating how specific she should be in her answer. "Honestly? I don't think I know. None of the past few months have gone anything like I expected." Somi sits up a bit on her mattress, slightly turning her body a little more towards her temporary roommate. "Though, it's probably better than how it could have been."

"That makes two of us. This time last year I was figuring I'd work for another decade until I could start drawing a pension, retire, and travel the galaxy. I guess I'm getting to see some new places, even if they weren't exactly on my bucket list." Jaquina shrugs. "But just because it could have been worse doesn't mean it isn't still bad. I'm glad you have your sister, and the other padawans. You should all keep leaning on each other. The rest of us can sympathize, sure, but something tells me we don't really understand."

Somi laughs slightly. "Most people haven't had their Master suddenly fall to the dark side after discovering that she's been a secret spymaster all along. Comparatively, I think I would have preferred either Efnir or Vesper's issues with their Masters."

"No, they haven't." Jaquina sits down on the edge of her bed. "And you're right, I don't think the others would trade their experiences for yours. We've all got to learn to live with what's happened to us, difficult as that may be.

"Nawah's been telling me a little bit about the things she's learned about her mentor - Tasra. I remember when I first met Tasra, a long time ago. She was so charming, so charismatic. She made Nawah's father and me feel so confident that she had our daughter's best interests at heart. And now, years later, Nawah's finding out that maybe Tasra had something much darker in mind all along. Or maybe she didn't. With Tasra gone so long now, I don't think we'll ever know for sure. All she can do is make the best of the things Tasra taught her.

"So tell me - if you want to. What's something your master taught you that you can carry with you and use? No matter who your master turned out to be."

Somi gestures at the cabin around her. "I wouldn't be here without her. I'd probably be back on Ryloth, though I don't really want to think what I might be doing. I'd be trying to survive."

She sighs slightly before answering Jaquina's question. "The thing is, I don't know. It seems like Lilikai really spent her time teaching my sister everything that she knew about spycraft. I guess I learned my love for the lightsaber from her, but I think I've really evolved in a different direction from her there."

Jaquina nods as she listens. "It's hard when someone you care about shares something with another person that you can't. Looking back, a part of me was always jealous of Tasra. She got to teach my daughter so many things I couldn't teach her, and all I could do was stand back and let her go."

Somi gives a small smile, but without any happy emotion behind it. "Now, Nomi's suddenly able to use the Force - much better than I can, at least right now."

She pauses for a moment as if gathering her thoughts before continuing. "I always thought that I helped save my sister - that Lilikai took both of us because I wouldn't go without Nomi. But, now I think she knew the potential that Nomi had. That Nomi was the one that she really wanted, and I was just the spare. I was just the cover story."

Somi clutches her knees up to her chest, a tear silently sliding down her cheek. "I don't think I'm jealous. I think I feel more foolish."

Jaquina makes a low, sympathetic noise. "Oh, sweetie," she says. "I don't think Lilikai even knows what she really wants. Even if I had the Force to help I doubt I'd understand what's going through her mind. She should have done better by you."

The bed frame creaks as Jaquina stands up and pads over toward the spot where Somi is huddled. "I can't tell you what she's thinking," she says quietly. "But I can give you a hug, if it would help."

Somi sniffles a little. "I think in trying to do better, she ended up doing worse by everyone."

She nods in response to Jaquina's offer for a hug. "If you knew then what you know now, would you still have sent Nawah with her mentor?"

Jaquina sits down next to Somi and wraps her arms around her. She doesn't seem like she's going to let go anytime soon. It reminds Somi of those all-too-infrequent times when one of her parents or her older siblings used to comfort her this way, when she was small.

It seems like Jaquina is taking her time formulating her response to Somi's question. Finally she says, "Nawah was born to know the Force. I don't think I really understood that until a long time after it was taken away from her. After Tasra died, I was just so relieved that Nawah hadn't died too that it was easy not to think about how different she was. But now that she has her abilities back, she's...brighter, somehow. More like herself than she's been for a long time. If I'd sent her to the Jedi, I never would have seen her again - never would have gotten to know the woman she grew into. If everything that happened with Tasra was the price of getting her to where she is now...yes, I think I would."

Then, very gently: "Why do you ask?"

Somi relaxes into Jaquina and accepts the hug. She can't remember the last time someone had held her in such a comforting way, aside from her sister.

"Sometimes, I just have to wonder, when a choice made turns out to have incredibly unexpected consequences, would it have been better to have picked another option. It's not regret. I don't think it's regret. Maybe curiosity?"

Jaquina hums. "I think that's normal. But if you know too much about how things might have turned out under different conditions, maybe you end up like Damasa. Based on what little Nawah has told me about her, I'm not sure that would be entirely a good thing."

"True," Somi says, before continuing. "On the other hand, of all the Jedi I've talked to in the past few months, she seems the sanest."

"Really? What makes you say that? I've got to admit, all of you Jedi have always seemed at least a little insane to me." There's a smile in Jaquina's voice, but Somi gets the sense that she's not entirely joking.

"You met some of them," Somi responds. "I don't think I need to explain the reasoning behind Master Quiet. Master Lilikai chose to embrace the Dark Side for what I'm hoping were good intentions towards either spy craft or helping others survive, instead of revealing herself to be some double agent all along. Either way, not a great choice from my perspective. Especially when you're then upset that the student who you spent a significant amount of time warning about the seduction of the Dark Side chooses to not follow you. Master Zernvik chose to fuse to a cave, which while heroic, and greatly appreciated, isn't a fully sane choice."

She pauses for a moment in thought before adding, "I guess Reevo choosing to stay with Master Zernvik to learn could be a choice that goes either way. But in comparison, Master Damasa's choice to live in a remote location and teach the Force-sensitive who come her way doesn't seem to be a horrible choice. Or, maybe it just sounds like a nice life to me."

Somi smiles slightly. "I think that if we make it through all of this to a place where I have a little more of a choice over where I go next, that's what I want to do. I want to find some remote, secret location and help the remaining Force-sensitive who are still out there. Not fully resurrecting the Jedi, but making a place for all of us to learn and support each other."

"That sounds really wonderful," Jaquina says. "And not so different from what I think Tasra was trying to do, either. It's a dangerous time to be Force-sensitive right now. I think that will be the case for many years to come. Anyone you can save, anyone you can protect...it would mean the world to those people."

"It wasn't until recently that I found just how rewarding it was to share what I knew with others who were eager to learn," Somi says. "I hadn't really put much thought into my life beyond survival. I think this might have been the first time I've actually found something to look forward to long-term."

"Teaching the next generation is one of the most important things anyone can decide to do. Back on Zoph, Master Zernvik used to talk about how the temple he found might be a perfect place for doing something like that. Obviously, that was before they found out that the Empire was on its way. When things are handled and it's safe to see him again, I bet he'd love to talk to you about his ideas."

"I'd love to hear more about it. The more I hear about the experiences of other Jedi working with Masters who weren't suited for teaching, the more I think there has to be a better way."

"You'd be the one to know that now," Jaquina says. "Everything that's happened these past months...it's awful. We all know it. And yet there's an opportunity in it, to make something better than what we had before. I don't know what that will look like, but I trust you to help build something amazing from what's left."

"I hope so." Somi settles more deeply into her bunk. "I just need to figure out how to become an effective teacher with no one to teach me."

"The best teachers I ever had were the ones who weren't afraid to admit when they didn't know something," Jaquina says. She shuts out the light and climbs into her own bunk. "Get some sleep, Somi. Things will seem better in the morning." And Somi has to admit that, despite everything, it's easy to believe her.