Nomi and Vesper

Nomi comes down to the cargo hold and starts looking through some of the boxes that Firith had stored there, opening one and frowning as she closes it, opening another, making a face and hastily shutting it. She continues to root about a bit, but doesn't appear to come across what she is looking for. Apparently giving up, she shuts the lid of a rather tall box and hoists herself up onto it, letting her feet dangle and looking idly around the cargo hold. It's not like there are a lot of interesting things to see down there, but she doesn't seem too bothered by sitting still and letting a bit of time pass for a moment as she rests. The bandage on her head is gone now and while she has a greenish/yellow mark on her forehead where the bruising shows, there is not any lasting damage from having a building fall on her.

A large bag falls from a high shelf and lands with a whump a few feet away.

"Zio and I sorted through most of it on the way to Bothawui," Vesper says, bright eyes emerging suddenly from the shadows. "I did some tailoring, so it should all fit you. Some of it is loose, some of it tighter - depending on the function - but I can make more adjustments if you'd like. Firith had a handheld sewing machine and a box of thread."

No explanation of how Vesper knows Nomi's measurements, but "stole your clothes and used them for measurements," "took a measuring tape to you while you were sleeping," and "used the Force" are all within the realm of possibility.

"I have bags for the others, too. I know you and Somi can share, but her preferences sometimes reflect the more ascetic Jedi aesthetic, so I've divided them accordingly. I also have a bag of clothes that won't fit anyone, as well as fabric scraps from garments I've already cannibalized - not enough for a shirt or pants (unless you're into patchwork), but they could be used to make accessories."

Nomi jumps when the bag hits the floor by her feet and looks up at Vesper with wide eyes. "I will never get used to that," she says to him. She gets down to pick up the bag and looks inside, apparently pleased by what she sees. "Thanks. You didn't happen to see anything with flowers on it while you were sorting did you?" Looking down at her now drab and greying clothes that she had worn on the surface of the moon, she frowns. "I just feel so sad without them."

Nomi hoists herself back up onto the tall box, setting the bag of clothes down next to her. "Zio seems like he was a big help while he was here. Somi keeps saying stuff about how he is my boyfriend." She rolls her eyes. "I can't figure out what gave her that impression. Did you say something to her? Did he say something to you?"

"I made a few headbands and a small scarf from a floral shirt that wouldn't have fit you, but wherever Firith got all these clothes, they didn't have much in the way of flowers. I'll keep my eyes open when we reach Corellia." Nomi gets the sense that Vesper doesn't intend to go shopping in the more traditional way.

"As to Zio, let's just say that you often have more of an effect on the people you meet than you realize. He was a bit smitten when you were traveling together, and that may have been part of the reason he took such risks to help you on Nar Shaddaa, but I think mostly it was because he's a decent sort of person. It's really too bad the Republic didn't have the resources to train him properly; he has real potential if someone were to take the time to develop it. Maybe someday someone will." Vesper shrugs. "If they do, I hope they aren't our enemies."

"Thanks Vesper. I miss my flowers." Nomi moves the bag of clothes and pats the box next to her, inviting him to come over if he wants.

"Zio is nice enough. A bit naive for a spy. But maybe that's the lack of training. I guess as a Bothan he has the best chance possible to get back into the business if he wants to... And can find the connections, right?"

As to making an impression Nomi comments, "It's never on the person you want to, right?" Quietly, maybe a bit to herself.

"So, we were home for you, it seemed to me like how I would feel if I went to Ryloth. Though without the posters, huh? Are you kind of feeling like me? Our friends are all the family I need."

Vesper hops down and sits nearby, although not in the exact spot indicated. He's still a Bothan, after all. "Undercover infiltration is incredibly difficult even for trained, experienced spies. It's usually inefficient, too. If you come in at such a low level so that no one suspects you it also means you won't have access to anything useful unless you get lucky. But if you come in claiming credentials that give you good access you're going to come under much tighter scrutiny and are much more likely to get caught. Long-term infiltration can get you that mix of safety and access, but sleeper agents take years to cultivate their relationship with the target. You know the old saying 'you can have it done fast, cheap, or well - choose two?' In espionage it's 'your spy can be quick, useful, or safe - choose two.' Send an under-trained operative on an undercover infiltration mission, and you'll be lucky to get just one of those; it just sounds sloppy and desperate to me.

"It's much more efficient to turn someone who is already established with the target. Money, ideology, coercion, or ego - find a pressure point and squeeze. That way their access is your access, and by recruiting multiple assets you can gather intelligence from many places at once.

"The other way to do it is to break into the place under cover of darkness and get out with your information before anyone knows you're there. That's what Master Zernvik taught me to do. But that has its limits, too."

Vesper seems to realize he's kind of rambling on a pet topic, at this point, so he seizes on Nomi's other points.

"I'm flesh and blood; I don't just visit Buxom Bothans because it has such an excellent search engine (although no other search engine in the galaxy even comes close). But I'm a padawan. We're not supposed to form attachments of any kind, and especially not ones that start families, so I never really gave much thought to what it would be like to hear the clatter of little Bothan hooves, much less whether it's something I actually want. But I came to the temple older than most younglings do, and so I still remember what it was like to live in a family, and it felt a lot like what we have on Rogue Ronto. I'm content with that."

Nomi listens to Vesper lecture with wide eyes. "I didn't realize you did spy missions. How exciting! I mean, with Master Zernvik - you infiltrated and stole data? Do you have any good stories?" She is a rapt listener and doesn't seem to mind his apparent rambling, soaking in the daring missions compared to a dull life of a behind-the-scenes, not-very-good mechanic.

Nomi purses her lips when he talks about the restrictions on families and attachments. "Yes, well, not supposed to is not always the same as what is done or what the reality is. I asked Lilikai once about it and she told me that there have been Jedi in the past who had relationships and families - children. They were still Jedi too. We didn't get a lot into it, but somehow they did it and didn't fall to the dark side. I wanted to make sure that I was not going to be a burden to Somi, that I wouldn't harm her just by being her sister. Lilikai didn't seem to think that it would be a problem. Nor did other people who knew I was at the temple. Did you know that there are two Jedi Generals who are twins? Well, if they are still alive, that is. I never met them, but someone told me about them once. Jedi Generals, so somehow they made it work. There's no way you can be a twin and not feel some attachment. No way. So there has to be a modifier or something, maybe something you get taught further down the line in Jedi-studies?"

Vesper gives a half-shrug. "It was my training under Master Zernvik - not the kind of spying that Zio did, but getting into places I wasn't welcome, retrieving things he needed, and getting back out without anyone noticing I was there. He did the analysis - figuring out who had what we needed and where they were keeping it, and then sifting through the data to find the next step in the investigation. He trained with the lightsaber every day, but I only saw him ignite outside of our training once - and that was to give me time to escape with the Mem-Stik I had stolen after I bungled the exfiltration. He...survived the encounter." The implication was that it had been a near thing. "But he said he did his most important work in his office, not in the field."

A sigh. "He didn't share with me exactly what he was working on. I don't have the same head for analysis that he does, so I'd probably have gotten in the way. But I think he was trying to protect me. He had an earned reputation as a bit of a grouch, and he was neither patient nor particularly forthcoming. He made it pretty clear from the day we met on Kamparas that he didn't want an apprentice and didn't know how to train one. But when no one else spoke for me, he took me on as a padawan anyway, and he never treated me like I was expendable."

"Master Quiet was the opposite. He wanted me to be stronger, to stand my ground in a confrontation. It made him angry that I wouldn't do that, which is why he refused to take me on as a padawan." This is a story Vesper has told before - nearly verbatim. It's rather strange that he tells it so often to people he knows have heard it before - almost as though he's practicing a speech meant to get him out of trouble with an authority figure. And if he only spent a few days with Master Quiet, why does he seem to dwell on that story?

"Nawah said something similar to me, so maybe you're right. Master Zernvik always emphasized the Attachment Clause, and he was my master, so I drank it in daily. Maybe that's because of the role of Jedi Sentinels, though. They're elite intelligence agents and secret police. They have many secrets that the worst enemies of the Republic would do anything to acquire - and abducting or hurting the people those Jedi care for is not beneath them. Better for the Sentinel not to have any such lever to use against him. One rogue Sentinel could do tremendous damage with the access he possesses - hundreds of spies and assets burned in moments, safehouses and encryption codes compromised."

A beat as he considers whether to mention this next. After a moment, though, Vesper continues. "Master Quiet is also a Sentinel. After what I saw him do on Zoph, well, I was worried he might be a part of what Master Zernvik was investigating before he disappeared - maybe even a suspect. I wanted to keep an eye on him, worm my way into his confidence, and learn the truth. I picked "useful and safe," but a month isn't nearly long enough to do what I was hoping to do, and now it hardly matters. The disaster I was trying to prevent - that Master Zernvik was trying to prevent - has come to pass, and neither of us was strong enough to stop it."

"Well, since you are alive, barring that one incident, it seems like he trained you well." Nomi's face lights up with an idea. "Do you remember or know much of what you went and got for him? Maybe if you tell someone else the information, if you tell the rest of us, it could help us find him. You may not be good at analysis, but Brawln is an investigator and Nawah has a good head and Vic is really smart too. If we all put our heads together on it, maybe we can figure out some of what he was working on and where he might have gone. What do you think?"

Nomi turns to look at Vesper straight on. She pulls a knee up and wraps an arm around it and gives him a serious look. "So, is there something more to this whole Quiet story? It's over and done with, no one is blaming you. What's got your attention still stuck on it?

"I don't know how you can help getting attached to others if you aren't a cold, mean bastard. Maybe that's why Zernvik had that reputation. He took the attachment clause very seriously and pushed everyone and everything away. Except you. I imagine he was a very lonely and maybe even unhappy person underneath.

"What I think, having talked to Somi and Lilikai and Rhen and you about it. What I think so that you are not supposed to get attached so that you aren't tempted to draw on the dark in order to maintain or save those attachments. Perhaps you can love as long as you are also willing to let go. As long as you are not tempted to evil to keep those attachments above all else." She shrugs. "I guess I am lucky not to have to worry about it. Unless I want something with someone I can't have because of their rules."

"Most of it was Mem-Stiks and datapads," Vesper says. "Master Zernvik was good at finding crimes in numbers. During the War, I know he sometimes found people who were siphoning off funds meant for the war effort, but I know that's not what he was really looking for. Before that, it was mostly people spending more money than they earned, which suggested illicit income sources - frequently the proceeds of criminal activity. Maybe Brawln could retrace his steps, but I just worry that it will all lead to the stunning revelation that someone intends to destroy the Jedi Order. Knowing the who of that could prove interesting, but I'm not convinced it can undo the damage that's already done, you know?"

Vesper shrugs again. "Master Quiet said he knew what happened to Master Zernvik, but that it was secret. However, he needed some quiet work done on Coruscant while he was off-planet - in a way that couldn't readily be traced back to him. I wouldn't be his padawan. He had openly condemned me as a coward to the Jedi Council, after all. But he would continue to train me in the lightsaber whenever he was on Coruscant. It wasn't much of a deal, but I took it because I thought maybe I could worm myself into his confidence enough to find out the truth - as well as which side he was on, Jedi or Sith.

"He kept me busy. He gave me eight missions in just three weeks. They were largely the same - sneak into a specific unit of a specific building and plant a concealed listening device there that would record any activity and presumably broadcast it to one of Master Quiet's listening stations. Half the time the target was accessible enough for me to handle all the details myself. The other half, I brought Somi along to provide support. She probably thought they were the same as the ones she helped me with for Master Zernvik, or the ones after he vanished where I was just pretending to know how to investigate his disappearance. I certainly never told her that Master Quiet was the one choosing our targets, but she never asked, either.

"One other mission I ended up scrubbing because the unit was on fire when I arrived. But the last mission - about a week before the attack on the temple - was a memorable one, though it started out ordinary enough. The security was way tighter than I expected - like way more than any security I've ever seen on a vacant apartment. I got cornered and only barely managed to warn Somi to get away before they caught me. I was interrogated by a pair of Republic internal security police - the kind that get called in when someone tries to assassinate a senator (no Jedi, though). I stuck to my story - that I was playing at being an urban explorer to test my Jedi abilities, very unofficial, frowned-upon stuff, but something believable coming from a young padawan at loose ends on Coruscant. They didn't find the listening device hidden in my shoe; I doubt either of them had seen a Bothan before. They put me in a cell, and I had no idea what would happen next.

"A couple hours later, Nawah showed up and pulled some strings or another to get me released. Somi must have called her. I gave her the same line I had given the police, and Somi didn't contradict me.

"Afterward, I contacted Master Quiet through the secure channel he had set up and reported my failure in detail. He actually seemed...pleased, saying something like, 'Ah. So Zernvik's suspicions were correct. There is a Sith traitor on the Jedi Council.' He then told me I was lucky I had gotten caught before I placed the listening device and that they hadn't found it while searching me. Because apparently Chancellor Palpatine was going to be meeting someone in that apartment in a day or two, which explained the security, and had I been caught red-handed engaged in espionage, they wouldn't have bothered putting me in a cell - padawan with powerful family members or or not, it would have been a blaster bolt to the head. That was...disturbing to consider; even in wartime, citizens were supposed to be given a fair trial. Master Quiet told me I should go dark and not contact him again. I was to destroy the listening device and the secure datapad he had given me to reach him with, which I did. I only tried one more little expedition of my own devising in an effort to figure out which member of the Council was the traitor, but that went nowhere. That was the night before the attack on the temple, so I didn't get another chance."

"Master Quiet is a bully and he took advantage of you," Nomi says. "Even if Zernvik sent you on dangerous missions, at least he protected you, knowing you were just learning. And he rewarded you too. Quiet used you and used your concern about Zernvik against you. I don't know the Dark personally, but from what I have gathered, that kind of activity sounds more dark than light. Even if Quiet is not technically a Sith. He is someone we shouldn't trust."

Nomi leans and bumps Vesper's shoulder with hers. "As your big sister, I would like to advise you to give him the boot from you 'need to feel bad about' tally and move forward from here."

She sighs. "I think I get why Zernvik was so insistent upon the relationships clause too. Maybe it has to do with the harm that can be done if they are used against you. But I am going to guess that it's more likely that Sentinels often have to make decisions in other areas that are morally questionable, maybe have some temptations that other Jedi who are not doing clandestine missions don't have. And so maybe you have to toe the line better in other areas to keep a balance. I don't think it has to be one or the other, Vesper. But I do understand it to the extent that a non-user can, I think. On the end, you are the one who can feel what part of the spectrum you are on and what things draw you toward the dark or the light and you are the one who exerts control on what you do or do not do."

"You're probably right," Vesper says. "It's kind of silly, but ever meet someone who clearly dislikes you from the start and think to yourself, 'I'm going to make this person like me, somehow.'? Actually, that makes it sound less selfish than it really is. It's more like, 'I'm going to make this person do what I want them to do no matter whether they like me or not.' I don't know whether it's the Bothan in me or my family in me or the Sentinel training in me or just the me in me, but sometimes I just want to feel like no matter who I have to obey or how little control I have over my circumstances, I still have a power that is my own - one that nobody can take away from me. Sometimes that means sharing information...selectively to convince someone to join your still-nebulous and very-much-hypothetical new spy network. And sometimes it means disappearing and doing my own thing without asking anyone permission or telling them I'm leaving, which I've been doing since I was a youngling and pretty much for that exact reason; I couldn't choose whether or not to be a padawan, but I could decide not to be where someone wanted me to be - or to be somewhere that someone did not want me to be."

Vesper's ears droop a bit.

"I guess this is kind of a roundabout way of saying I'm sorry I didn't go looking for you as soon as you vanished. It never occurred to me that it might be something you wanted, because most of the time when I disappear I don't want to be found."

"Well, maybe not the moment I walked out of the ship," Nomi says. "I needed some alone time, just to be with my thoughts. It was a stupid moment to go do that, what with the Mirror out there and I should have taken someone with me, even if it was only to walk nearby and at a distance. But I did think that someone would come looking and I guess I was surprised to find out that it was assumed I would just figure it out and come back on my own. But now I can see I will never be able to sneak off of my own again without someone trying to comm link me the second I disappear. I shouldn't have complained." Nomi winks at Vesper. "I guess this is my roundabout way to say that I understand and I have no hard feelings. And also, no one like to be effect of something without any chance to make their own choices or have their own say in their actions. I have that same thing - I hate being used and I never want to be in a situation where I feel like I have no agency in what I am doing. It is the most evil thing to me."

"Kind of like how you and Somi were forced to do things to survive when you were kids," Vesper says. "Now you both still do some of them for fun - and are really quite good at them. You have your music, and she often joins me in my...shenanigans. But it's different when you get to choose to do the things you used to be forced to do, isn't it?"

Vesper stands up, pulls another bag off the shelf above, swings it over his shoulder, staggering a little at the weight. It rattles slightly.

"Well, I have a few more adjustments to make to some of the clothes I picked out for Jellybean. Leather isn't a material I'm used to working with; I've had to watch some tutorials. The lace was delicate, sure, and I'm not sure of Vic's exact measurements." A wrinkling of the nose. "But at least I didn't need a completely different pair of scissors for that."

Nomi nods. "Thanks again, Vesper. I think I'll go try some. Vic is 'long and spindly' per his own description. And has no digestive system so no belly at all. Lace is an interesting choice." Nomi chuckles as she leaves the hold, giving Vesper a wave over her shoulder.